


He Doth Protest

by artikgato



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, Domestic Fluff, M/M, team russia is one big happy family, yurio is a little shit, yurio is the best tsundere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: “You need to get a bigger couch. Look at Katsudon, he’s practically fused with the arm,” Yurio continued to complain. Yuuri raised an eyebrow. “And your dog has me trapped, here.”
“If it’s so terrible,” Yuuri started, exchanging smirks with Victor, “you could just go home.”
“And miss the end of this movie? Yeah right. And besides, this place is closer to the rink than my house, it makes more sense for me to be here,” Yurio explained, with a huff.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I make a habit of telling my roommate that her food is terrible and she should never cook again while enthusiastically eating it and savoring every bite, because she's a really good cook, you guys. This morning she sarcastically told me I could just not eat my omelette and I had a lightbulb moment, ran downstairs, and this fic happened.
> 
> Anyway, I think our favorite tsundere Russian kitten would definitely just move into Victor's apartment after Yuuri does, but constantly protest that of course he doesn't LIVE there, duh, it's just practical, and it's not like he even WANTS to be there but you know...

“This Katsudon is terrible,” Yurio complained, through a mouthful of rice. Yuuri looked up from his own bowl with a distressed expression but Victor, who had already finished his portion, snickered and leveled a sly grin in the direction of the blonde.

“Oh really? Well, you know, if it’s so terrible you could always just stop eating it,” Victor replied. Yurio made a face at him and took a comically large bite in protest. Yuuri gave a relieved sigh and went back to his bowl.

“I don’t want to waste food,” Yurio explained, again through a mouthful of rice.

“Don’t you have any manners?” Victor teased. This time, Yuuri snickered.

“Says the guy with rice on his chin,” Yuuri pointed out. Then he reached over to pluck the stray grain off of his fiancee’s face. Victor smirked and caught his hand when he did, pressing Yuuri’s palm to his cheek. Yurio made gagging noises.

“Get a room!” he grumbled.

“This is _our_ apartment,” Victor reminded him. Yuuri pulled his hand away, the offending grain of rice coming with it. Victor pouted, but Yuuri just went back to his bowl of katsudon with a smile.

“The pork is over-cooked, and the rice is under-cooked. My katsudon piroski are much better,” Yurio continued to complain. Yuuri looked up again, catching Victor’s eyes with a knowing smile.

“Oh? I guess you’ll just have to cook them for us sometime then, right?” he asked. Yurio scoffed and tried to hide his grin behind another bite of katsudon.

“Obviously.”

 

* * *

  
“Disgusting,” Yurio complained. Victor rolled his eyes, and Yuuri laughed. They were watching a movie together on the couch, all three of them. Four, if you counted Makkachin, who was currently wedged between the two Russians, with Yuuri all but squished into one side of the couch by Victor and Yurio similarly squished into the other side by the poodle.

“I can’t kiss my fiancee in the privacy of my own home?” Victor asked. Yurio made a face over at him.

“You need to get a bigger couch. Look at Katsudon, he’s practically fused with the arm,” Yurio continued to complain. Yuuri raised an eyebrow. “And your dog has me trapped, here.”

“If it’s so terrible,” Yuuri started, exchanging smirks with Victor, “you could just go home.”

“And miss the end of this movie? Yeah right. And besides, this place is closer to the rink than my house, it makes more sense for me to be here,” Yurio explained, with a huff. Victor grinned.

“Well, you could always go to your room…” Victor pointed out.

“That’s not _my_ room,” Yurio protested, frowning.

“The comforter is cheetah print,” Yuuri pointed out.

“That’s not _my_ fault,” Yurio grumbled, sinking down a little in the seat to try to hide his grin behind Makkachin’s head.

“You keep spare clothes in the dresser,” Victor added.

“It’s practical!” Yurio argued, with a huff. He was blushing now.

“Sure, sure,” Victor teased. Then, after a beat, he continued. “I suppose I should get more furniture anyway. Mila and Georgi are always complaining about having to sit on the floor.”

“Oh, and while we’re buying more furniture we should get more chairs for the dinner table,” Yuuri pointed out. Victor grinned at him.

“We can go tomorrow after training, sounds good?” he asked. Yuuri nodded, enthusiastically, and Victor turned to look over at Yurio. “Want to come with us, Yurio?”

“That’s not my name,” Yurio grumbled, folding his arms. “And as if I’d want to go furniture shopping with you two lovebirds.”

“But how will we know if the couch we’re getting is going to be big enough?” Victor asked, a mischievous smirk on his face. Yuuri hid a laugh in his fiancee’s shoulder. Yurio frowned.

 

* * *

 

“Ugh, this is so stupid,” Yurio complained. He looked down at Makkachin, whose leash he was holding, with a frown. “Aren’t you embarrassed to be seen in public with these two?” Makkachin just blinked up at him until he reached down to pet the poodle with a sigh. Victor and Yuuri, meanwhile, were thoroughly inspecting a set of dining chairs. Or at least, they were supposed to be, but they kept getting distracted by inspecting each-others’ eyes instead.

“You two are disgusting,” Yurio finally called over to them, tugging on Makkachin’s leash to lead the dog over to the two of them. Victor had sat down in one of the chairs to test it, then pulled Yuuri into his lap.

“We have to make sure it can hold both of our weight,” Victor explained. Yurio rolled his eyes.

“You’ve been looking at these chairs for twenty minutes now,” Yurio pointed out.

“We have to be thorough before we can make a decision!” Victor continued.

“Oh please. You got engaged to Katsudon after only having known him for eight months,” Yurio sighed. Yuuri laughed.

“He’s got you there, Vitya,” Yuuri replied. Victor blushed in response, though Yurio was sure it had more to do with the term of endearment than anything. Victor unfolded his arms from around Yuuri’s midsection with a huff.

“Fine, fine. Let’s get these chairs, and then go pick out the new sofa, da?”

 

* * *

 

 

“You two are disgusting,” Yurio groaned, yet again. “There’s all this room on the couch now, and you’re still squishing Katsudon against the side?”

“I like being squished,” Yuuri replied, exchanging mischievous smiles with Victor before the older man leaned down to give him a kiss. Yurio made gagging noises, but still reached over to grab a handful of popcorn from a bowl on the new coffee table in front of the couch.

“If you don’t like it, you could always move? There’s plenty of room on this couch over here, Yura!” Mila called from the other side of the room. She and Georgi were sitting on the old couch, now moved over to the side and angled toward the TV. Yurio made a face.

“I helped pick out this couch, so I should get to sit on it,” he declared, frowning.

“And like I said yesterday,” Victor replied, smirking over at Yurio, “I can’t kiss my fiancee in my own home? You’re so cruel, Yurio.”

“It’s disgusting,” Yurio fired back. Mila giggled.

“You could always just go to your room instead, Yura,” Mila suggested. Yurio glowered at her.

“It’s not _my_ room!” he cried. “It’s just the guest room!”

“The comforter on the bed is cheetah print…?” Mila cheerfully pointed out.

“Hey, _Victor_ did that, not me!” Yurio argued.

“All of you, shut up! I’m trying to watch the movie!” Georgi finally exclaimed, glaring at all of them. Mila smiled back, Victor just snuggled more into Yuuri’s side, and Yurio folded both his arms and legs with an annoyed huff.

 

* * *

 

 “This is stupid!” Yurio yelled, some time later. Mila giggled in response.

“But you said it yourself, the guest room isn’t _your_ room, and as a lady I should get sleep in the bed and you boys should sleep on the couches,” the redhead retorted. Yurio fumed.

“Or maybe you should just _go home_!” Yurio replied.

“But it’s already so late, and Victor’s place is so close to the rink, it makes more sense to stay here tonight,” Mila protested, but her smirk was betraying her actual intentions.

“Yurio, be a good boy and let Mila have your room for tonight,” Victor called from the master bedroom, where he and Yuuri had already retreated to.

“It’s _not_ my room!” Yurio practically screeched in protest. “And that’s not my name!”

“You’re young, your back can handle sleeping on the couch for a night,” Mila said, cheerfully. Yurio huffed, but assented.

“All right, fine. But I get the new couch,” he agreed.

“No way,” Georgi piped up, from where he was already settling onto the newer, bigger couch. “I’m taller, so I get this one.”

“I helped pick it out!” Yurio protested, stalking over to glare down at Georgi.

“You’re like eighty percent legs, you’ll be fine on the old couch,” Georgi replied, before pointedly rolling over to press his face into the back of the couch.

“I don’t believe this,” Yurio groaned, slapping a hand over his face with a sigh.

“Better get to bed soon, it’s past your bedtime~” Victor called from the bedroom.

“I better not hear any moaning from in there tonight, you two!” he finally called, before stalking off to retrieve a pair of pajamas from the dresser in the spare bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> Yuri Plisetsky is a little shit and I love him, so smol and so angry.
> 
> Stalk me on tumblr if you want, I'm @artikgato. I've recently given up trying to pretend that I don't want to just post about nothing but Yuri!!! on Ice, but I used to be a premiere shitposter and memelord who occasionally posted Persona 4 content.


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